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In the strange world of the global pandemic, there is plenty of advice out there on how to be happier while working from home, be more resilient, cope with uncertainty, maximize your time in quarantine and stay productive, stop being productive and so on. Most of it is generally really good, sound advice. But something feels off. Something feels hollow and kind of untenable. If we are in uncharted territory right now, then who has the map? It’s tough to know.
So, what should we do when much of the well-meaning advice is contradictory and feels detached from our actual lived experience? How can we make sense of our current situation while balancing so many opposing perspectives? Almost daily, I get asked some variation of the following: “What do I do now? What will happen to my [insert a noun here: life, career, relationship, health, wealth, etc.] in the coming months and beyond?” These are all good, important questions! And a healthy dose of self-reflection is an important component of our psychological well-being. It can lead to a better understanding of ourselves, help us stay focused on what we need to get done and keep us safe. This is especially beneficial in times of crisis. But focusing too much on our own needs can leave us blind to the plight of others, and in extreme cases, can lead to full-blown narcissism.
Here’s an idea: Why not suspend thinking about yourself and instead focus on helping someone else in need? There is a lot of very real suffering all around us. I don’t mean to suggest that everyone should become a professional counselor, a coach or a problem-solver for everyone else’s issues. Instead, being there for others could be just that: being there (albeit virtually in the pandemic), no strings attached.
And as an added bonus, helping others helps you! Research shows that practicing altruism can lead you to live a more meaningful life and make you happier.
You might say, “You must be joking. How can I help others? I am barely getting by myself.” Well, what if I told you there is someone out there who needs you just as you are? Your “imperfect self” could hold the key to making someone smile on a really tough day or making someone feel seen and heard.
1. Make someone feel less alone.
Loneliness was already considered an epidemic before the pandemic, and, in 2020, it’s a full-blown tragedy. You yourself might feel lonely and detached from the world. So, what can you do? You can help another person feel less lonely while simultaneously improving your own mood. There are many ways to do it. Here is just one: Text or email someone out of the blue and ask, “How are you doing? I would really like to know how you’ve been these past few months. Let’s do a Zoom call. How about tomorrow at 5 p.m.?”
2. Help someone think through a thorny professional situation.
Isolation due to working from home is a real challenge for many. It can become even more difficult for people to think productively and make objective decisions. You can be someone’s coach of the moment by helping them overcome a challenging situation in their career. This is not done by giving advice, but instead by proposing thought-provoking coaching questions. Here are some of my favorites:
• Can you tell me about the situation you are dealing with?
• Please help me understand the broader context: What is working and what is not working?
• Paint a picture for me. Let’s say it’s six months from now. What would be the ideal outcome if everything worked out exactly as you’d like?
• Would it be helpful if we reconnected again in a week to see how you are doing?
3. Just listen.
Sometimes the context of the challenge is much less important than the energy it creates in someone, which can impact other areas of their life. People just want someone to stop and listen to them. I am convinced that one of the biggest reasons coaching has become so popular in the past two decades is that people don’t listen to each other enough. Since coaches are professional listeners (the good ones, that is), they are in especially high demand. So, next time someone is speaking, don't rush them, actively engage and listen to them with compassion and be fully present.
4. Share some comfort food.
My grandmother always made blintzes — a type of crepe — with the goal of making the world a better, tastier place. You can stuff them with cheese, meat or vegetables, or eat them with honey. But I digress. It’s not important what food you make, or whether you buy it from the store. It only matters that you do something kind for another person without asking for anything in return. Is there a neighbor, family member or even a stranger for whom you can make this kind of special delivery? If there is, take this opportunity to perform a gesture of goodwill, and you will certainly feel happier as well. Since many people are also suffering financially, you can also consider donating to a local food bank if you have the means to do so.
The world needs all of us to be present now more than ever, not just for ourselves but for each other. And you don’t have to go far. Mother Theresa is often credited with saying, “Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you.” Who knows, perhaps after this crisis is over we will get used to being just a little more tuned into others and thus enrich our own lives.
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