About plastic spoons and other treasures

[This post was written on a long but wonderful flight which took me from one coast of the USA to another.]
I get very introverted and introspective on flights. Sometimes I watch mindless TV (the kind that I never watch on the ground because it seems like such reckless waste of time). Sometimes I stare into the beauty outside the window. I also think a lot and often write some of my thoughts down. And I revel in the fact that there is nobody I have to speak with. This time I am lucky enough to fly first class. And it is a long flight. So the comfort and luxury are especially felt and appreciated.
First Class. Let me paint the picture for you. I have a front-row window seat. The service is impeccable. I am constantly being asked if I am comfortable, I am being offered food, drinks and more blankets. I am reassuringly smiled at. There is plenty of leg-room; there is space for my personal items and an outlet to plug in my electronics. The food keeps coming in the perpetual cycle of all sorts of yumminess.

And I sit here in a stunned wonder of it all. And before you ask, yes, I have flown business and first class before. And, yes, I have eaten delicious food before (and even on airplanes, believe it or not). It's not the newness of this experience which makes me think and reflect. It’s the seeming ordinariness of this moment and at the same time its boundless extra-ordinariness. Contradiction? Not really.

I am an immigrant and a grateful naturalized citizen of the United States of America. I believe, I never completely shook off the "fresh off the boat" perception of life around me. Perhaps other immigrants have this experience as well. At least, I haven't shaken it off yet and it's been nearly quarter of a century since the time I have called U.S.A. my home. What is the “fresh off the boat” perception you ask? Here is an analogy: think of a child trying ice cream for the first time. Imagine that child’s smile. It’s sweet. It’s chilly. It melts on your tongue.  It’s something that the child has never seen or tasted or experienced before. It’s special.  Even if it tastes weird, it’s still good weird. To an immigrant, or maybe it’s just me, the experience for the new world with all of its special new experiences creates a kind of feeling of wonder and awe. And then overtime, even as the newness wears off, the raw “awe” morphs into a kind of knowing and appreciation which stay with you.
As I sit here, in this incredible plush reclined chair, with soft blankets covering my body (one over the shoulders and one on my lap), I am smiling, both inside and outwardly. The feeling of gratitude is running through my whole being. Memories flood my mind. These memories are old and a little worn-out. But they are still dear.

These memories are from nearly a quarter of a century ago. These memories are of me on another flight - Pan Am flight from Moscow to New York.  I am with my parents and grandparents. And the flight attendants bring us our lunch with gray melmac plastic utensils – spoons, forks and knives. I remember looking at all of it in such wonder. I don't think I have ever seen plastic utensils up until that point or experienced the concept of anything that was produced for "one time use", something disposable.

I remember the same gratitude flowing through my body. This thankfulness isn't for the trivial things. This feeling does not have materialistic roots. No. It is the gratitude for being allowed a small moment of luxury. Even if this is a perceived luxury (is there any other kind, really?) In a life of an immigrant (including those from the Soviet Bloc) necessity and hardship are the main characters of the play. Back in the Soviet society, "spartan" life was the norm; "essential-ism" by default not by choice, life without any “extras" was the reality for many, including my family.

I remember, on that Pan Am flight, after finishing my food, I cleaned the plastic utensils thoroughly, placed them back into the plastic bag they came in with, and tucked them safely in my pocket. It felt like I got a little treasure. I remember I kept touching my pocket and thinking: “it’s something. It's special.” I kept the utensils for a long time. I especially liked the plastic spoon. It looked gray and shiny like real silver, but it was light and clearly plastic. I decided at that time that getting that plastic spoon was a good omen. That America was going to be a good place to live, full of wonderfulness. And when I learned years later of the expression "to be born with a silver spoon in your mouth", it reminded me of my first “silver” plastic spoon and of one of the first of many treasures which awaited me. I guess some are born with a silver spoon; others get a plastic spoon on their first Pan Am flight and put it to good use.

And now sitting here now, on this flight, I am realizing that inside I am still that little girl. I am still that child, eating my proverbial ice-cream, marveling at the treasures of my life. Sometimes pinching myself and asking "could it really be? Am I truly here and experiencing this?" There have been many "spoons and forks" and all kinds of big and little treasures on my journey through life so far. Sitting here, now, thirty five thousand feet above ground, I am reflecting on these very weighty and earthy questions: have I appreciated each of these sweet (or bitter or expected or unexpected or painful or silver or plastic) wonders enough? Have I tucked them neatly in the "pocket" of my memories and life experiences? Have I given them meaning?

Sitting here now, gazing into the vastness of the skies, with plenty of "legroom" and my electronics fully charged, mentally, spiritually I connect with the loves I lost in the physical world. And I share this moment, this experience and memory with them.  Maybe this is what meditation and mindfulness experts call “being in the moment.” I really don't know. Maybe I am getting old and sentimental – entirely possible. What I know is this moment, what I am feeling right here and right now.
We are all travelers through time, through life. I guess, all I want to say is take your magic plastic spoon with you everywhere you go, make it a symbol of your gratitude, make it meaningful and let it remind  you of the sweetness and wonder of it all. 

What my Zumba instructor is teaching me about leadership

Recently, there has been a lot of “talk” about leadership and specific “skills” good leaders possess. There are books, articles, blog posts, speeches, etc. As a coach, naturally, I am paying attention and soaking it all in. And as it often happens in life, if you are thinking of something, it seems to appear and dominate the field of your mental vision. And sometimes, when you are extra lucky, you might even experience an "aha" moment.

So, this past Sunday morning, as I was happily jumping to the sounds of Zumba music, it hit me – my amazing instructor has been giving me leadership lessons for months and months. 

Think it’s impossible to teach coaching and leadership skills through an intense aerobic exercise with loud music? Judge for yourself – this is what my Zumba instructor does, without fail, class after class, week after week:

·  He smiles and says hello – There are many of us in the class, yet he manages to come over and say hello to every person, before every class.

·  He is fully present and completely prepared – He is always at least 15 minutes early for each class “to set up and meet and greet.” During the class, he appears to be fully immersed in what he is doing.  It is clear that he knows his stuff and has a full plan in place: he knows exactly what routine goes after which, who might need extra encouragement, when to pause things and when speed things up. To us, his students, it feels as if there is nothing in the world more important to our instructor than all of us having a great class.

·  He encourages participation and effort, NOT just outcomes – We are not all Zumba pros in the class. We cover all the different age groups. For some of us it’s the first time in our life that we do exercise of any kind. So my Zumba instructor does not demand perfection, but he does encourage “trying” and “giving your best.” Our efforts, no matter how big or small, don’t ever seem to go unnoticed. I have seen our fearless Zumba leader wink, give thumbs up or quietly whisper "I am so proud of you."

·  He leads from the back and the front – In every class, the instructor takes a few people and switches places with them. Which means that every one of us gets a chance to be “in the front” and lead, while he gets a chance to experience the class from the last row. 

·  He makes every person feel “seen” and “heard” – No matter our age, size, weight, quality of our “dancing” or our familiarity with Zumba steps, he manages to make all of us feel special, noticed, cared for. When there is a new person he makes a very deliberate effort to make them feel welcomed. He asks the newbie a number of questions (quietly and discreetly, without making them feel uncomfortable): Is this your first time here? Have you done Zumba before? Would you like to be in the front so you can see better and follow the steps?

·  He challenges us without scolding – Sometimes our instructor just stands in the back and watches us go through a new routine we learned. He pushes us to repeat it more than once or twice until we get the routine close to right and then he claps loudly and says “You are all amazing! You did it!”

·  He uses humor to defuse tension and fatigue – By the 45^th minute, we begin to lose some of our resolve to complete the class. The instructor lightens things up. He cracks jokes and makes everyone laugh through sweat and fatigue. 

Most importantly, he does all these things – and likely others that I am not even conscious of – consistently, every single time. People want to come to his class because they know that they’ll feel great during and after the class – physically and emotionally, and because they are going to be called “fearless dancing warriors” and “the strongest Zumb-ists ever.” 

Is it not a great leadership example? It sure does look that way to me.

My favorite quotes from the books I've read in 2014

What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty

~The problem was that she couldn’t attach herself to a “today” or a “yesterday” or even a “last week.” She was floating helplessly above the calendar like an escaped balloon.

~Wouldn’t it be a lot less messy if everyone just stayed with the people they married in the first place?

~She drifted off because she was remembering what it was like when you broke up with someone. Conversations became so hopelessly tangled. You had to be polite and precise. You couldn’t safely criticize anymore, because you didn’t have the right. You’d lost your immunity.

 

The Sisterhood by Helen Bryan

~Portraits, like love, demand an exposure of self.

~You run this enterprise as your full-time job, Menina—how do you get everything done?” Menina groaned. “I have no idea because I have never yet gotten everything done for just one day. I prioritize chaos.”

Sell More With Sales Coaching: Practical Solutions for Your Everyday Sales Challenges by Peri Shawn

~Coaching is both a right and a privilege for your team members, not a penance for poor performers, as some leaders mistakenly use it.

~Keep in mind that effective sales coaching is much like baking a cake. The individual ingredients aren’t all that enticing; the magic happens when you put them together.

The Red Tent: A Novel by Anita Diamant

~We made love very slowly that night, as though for the last time, weeping. One of his tears fell in my mouth, where it became a blue sapphire, source of strength and eternal hope.

~Laboring mother bring out other women like geese responding to the call of a leader in flight.

~“Dear one,” she said, putting my hand to her cheek, “I am so honored to be the vessel into which you pour this story of pain and strength.

Gods and Kings: Chronicles of the Kings #1: A Novel by Lynn Austin

~But the peace of God comes from knowing that there’s an order in the universe and there is a reason for whatever happens, even if only Yahweh [God] can see it.

~Stopping evil was like trying to hold back the waves of the sea.

The Challenger Sale: Taking Control of the Customer Conversation by Matthew Dixon, Brent Adamson

~How you sell has become more important than what you sell. An effective sales force is a more sustainable competitive advantage than a great product stream.

The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery

~“Life has meaning and we grown-ups know what it is” is the universal lie that everyone is supposed to believe. Once you become an adult and you realize that’s not true, it’s too late.

~To beauty, all is forgiven, even vulgarity.

~When tea becomes ritual, it takes its place at the heart of our ability to see greatness in small things. Where is beauty to be found? In great things that, like everything else, are doomed to die, or in small things that aspire to nothing, yet know how to set a jewel of infinity in a single moment? The tea ritual: such a precise repetition of the same gestures and the same tastes.

~The tea ritual, therefore, has the extraordinary virtue of introducing into the absurdity of our lives an aperture of serene harmony. Yes, the world may aspire to vacuousness, lost souls mourn beauty, insignificance surrounds us. Then let us drink a cup of tea. Silence descends, one hears the wind outside, autumn leaves rustle and take flight, the cat sleeps in a warm pool of light.

~True novelty is that which does not grow old, despite the passage of time.  

~She radiates intelligence.

~Madame Michel has the elegance of the hedgehog: on the outside, she’s covered in quills, a real fortress, but my gut feeling is that on the inside, she has the same simple refinement as the hedgehog: a deceptively indolent little creature, fiercely solitary—and terribly elegant.

~We don’t recognize each other because other people have become our permanent mirrors.

~I would recognize you anywhere.

~Maybe that’s what life is about: there’s a lot of despair, but also the odd moment of beauty, where time is no longer the same.

~Yes, that’s it, an always within never.  

Orphan Train: A Novel by Christina Baker Kline

~It may have been that they were weak people, ill suited for the rigors of emigration, its humiliations and compromises, its competing demands of self-discipline and adventurousness.

~I’ve stumbled on a fellow outsider, one who speaks my language without saying a word.

~My entire life has felt like chance. Random moments of loss and connection. This is the first one that feels, instead, like fate.

~But behind everything I do is a low hum of fear.

~I learned long ago that loss is not only probable but inevitable. I know what it means to lose everything, to let go of one life and find another. And now I feel, with a strange, deep certainty, that it must be my lot in life to be taught that lesson over and over again.

~I’ll tell you something: marrying Jim was like stepping into water the exact same temperature as the air.

 

A Dangerous Fortune by Ken Follett

~Maisie had at first felt it was unnatural for a child to grow up surrounded by servants, and she feared that Bertie would be overprotected; but she had learned that rich children played in the dirt and climbed walls and got into fights just as much as the poor, and the main difference was that the people who cleaned up after them got paid.

Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman

~People tend to assess the relative importance of issues by the ease with which they are retrieved from memory—and this is largely determined by the extent of coverage in the media.

~Puzzling limitation of our mind: our excessive confidence in what we believe we know, and our apparent inability to acknowledge the full extent of our ignorance and the uncertainty of the world we live in.

~We are prone to overestimate how much we understand about the world and to underestimate the role of chance in events.

~The best we can do is a compromise: learn to recognize situations in which mistakes are likely and try harder to avoid significant mistakes when the stakes are high.

~Intelligence is not only the ability to reason; it is also the ability to find relevant material in memory and to deploy attention when needed.

Overcrowding

In the absence of harmony,
The unattainable is hanging.
 
Pink clouds float by -
Cotton candy.
 
In the pool's reflection,
Nonexistence glimmers.
 
Bitterness dances with sweetness.
The overcrowded mind shivers.
 
In the cocoon of thorns
Life shimmers.

A bit of Robin Williams in all of us

“The peace of mind one experiences on one’s own, one’s certainty of self in the serenity of solitude, are nothing in comparison to the release and openness and fluency one shares with another, in close companionship . . .”

The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery

Since the news of his death, I have been thinking about Robin Williams – about his life, his inspiring work, and the way he died. And here are some thoughts that I can’t get out of my head….

In his work, he appeared so funny, so joyful, so engaging, with seemingly boundless energy. But if you really really looked into his eyes, especially during interviews, what you would see was wisdom, depth and sadness. A whole big ocean of despair. It wasn't diluted by the cameras, the lights, or even laughter, it was that strong. His eyes always said "I love my craft, I love my children, but I don't really belong here...I am just a visitor..."

Who knows what specifically pushed him over the edge. My mom used to say "you never know what's going on behind closed doors." The closed doors of our hearts, our minds, our houses. We just speculate and often over-simplify - depression, anxiety, early stages of Parkinson's disease...Loneliness. What pushes one over the edge? We will never truly know.

The interesting thing is that we were all shocked by the news of Robin Williams' death. He fooled us all in a way, and lulled us into a sense of security thinking "Robin Williams is strong and he will be around for a long time. Look how funny he is. He survived the heart surgery and all."

Was he putting on the brave show for all of us? Possibly. Was he so unique in doing so? I think not. Isn’t there a bit of "Robin Williams" in all of us?

How many of us put on the brave show every day? How about every hour? How many of us take deep breaths just to be able to get out of bed? And for how many of us no breathing or mountains of antidepressants are enough to get us out of bed? How many of us conjure up a wide smile and say "I am great" when asked "how are you" while crumbling inside?

As a coach, I see it a lot. People come seeking "career advice." And often times, it turns out that while they may need tweaks to their résumés, what they seem to be even hungrier for is a human interaction. Just for someone to care, even for a fee, and listen to the small insignificant - and yet to them enormous and paramount - details of their lives. Think of all the people you love the most. Those people who create a safe, warm internal glow in your heart. I bet their eyes light up when you enter the room and they genuinely want to hear what you ate for lunch and whether you enjoyed it.

I suppose, ultimately, we are all alone in our heads. Prisoners of our minds, our despairs, our fears...I know, it’s not a unique thought. For some reason it feels more real than ever to me now. In the world of so many people, no-one should feel so alone within the prison of our minds that there is no other way but to leave this world. But I know it's idealistic to think that.

The older I get, the more I am convinced that nobody can live for someone else. Robin Williams seemed to have such loving children whom he adored. And yet, they didn't have enough gravitational force to keep him here.

The odds, I think, are stacked up against us in some ways.  There are certain exacerbating circumstances of the world we live in. 

For example, I think social media makes us feel more lonely and isolated.  It creates this emotional dissonance.  A mind cannot help but wonder "I have 100+ so called friends on Facebook. Didn't anyone notice my cryptic SOS message??"

Also, our world values self-reliance and personal responsibility a lot. I don't know if it's above all else, but it's close, pretty up there. We must make our own medical decisions, do our own taxes, take charge of our own career, raise perfect children - no matter the circumstances, etc. etc. etc. That's a lot to deal with, don't you think? And now imagine doing it all under the watchful and often unkind eye of the public.... Wouldn't it drive you mad?

Brene Brown, a researcher and writer who studies vulnerability and shame, says that for men shame comes from one source - being viewed as weak. Did Robin Williams feel that he wouldn't be able to bare watching his kids and the whole world pity him in his battle with Parkinson's? Could the shadow of the shame be too dark?

Williams' friend and actor Harvey Fierstein said on Twitter: "Please, people, do not fuck with depression. It's merciless. All it wants is to get you in a room alone and kill you." It really stuck with me…"in a room alone…” And I wanted to add, "and please people keep each other company." Yes, depression is an illness and please don't mess with it. Do whatever must be done. But if there is a bit of despair and loneliness in all of us, let's not wait for the darkness to envelop us. Let's mind the depression but let’s also just really mind each other. And no, I don’t mean “let’s take care of each other, let’s hug and sing Kumbaya” (although there may be a place and time for that too.) All I am saying is pay attention to other fellow humans. Even the unlovable kinds (or maybe especially them). 

There is nothing more important than listening without judging (and man, do I suck at that, a massive work in progress). You know those announcements right before a hurricane? They say “please check on your elderly and disabled neighbors.” I think we should just check on each other - young, old, abled, disabled, it doesn't matter. And do it all the time.

For example, it could start simply by asking someone "how are you" and really listening to the answers... Don’t walk away. Don't let them get away with an impersonal "I am fine." Listen for clues. Read between the lines. Let's allow each other, allow ourselves, to get unglued from time to time. Think of it as a cleansing ritual. It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign we are human and we are learning, and we are doing something so natural and normal – relying on each other.   

Here is my wish and prayer for myself and for all of us. Since we are all just mere humans, visitors on this beautiful planet, when the night falls on our souls (I am not saying IF because it is enviable that it would happen during the course of our lives in varying degrees), may there always be someone by our side... Someone real. Someone who will simply say "I hear you, I see you. Namaste – Your spirit honors your spirit." And may this message come in every form imaginable, including but certainly not limited to the following:

"Want to grab a beer?”

“Shall we have some strong Turkish tea?”

“How about we take a walk together?”

“Let’s sit quietly here and pray together.”

Connecting the dots

"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life." - Steve Jobs

I have not written in a long time. It's not that life hasn't happened. It did. And it's not that there has been a lack of profound moments to write about. That's not it either. It's just that there was (and still is) a lot of good work to do. And there was no urgency to write about it as various thoughts were cooking in my head (or my soul, I am never entirely sure where they originate and develop).

There is something important I have uncovered, or perhaps re-discovered. And now a message has formed and it feels urgent enough to share.

Let me start by saying that I think I may have been the last person who finally bought an iPhone. I remember the date - October 5, 2011. It was the day Steve Jobs died.

I ordered the phone (partly because it was time to let go of my old phone and party as a tribute), watched the news and his now famous commencement address from 2005.

The commencement was about many things but the biggest message I remembered (or was I meant to hear and remember that particular message?) was this: just do your thing and trust that the dots will connect.

Today, as I am writing this blog post on my iPhone, I am thinking about all the dots that have connected and may have yet to connect, and I feel an enormous sense of gratitude. Why you ask? I will tell you. I started a number of new things a while back. In fact, I feel that I’ve been starting and finishing all kinds of things (colleges, papers, projects, commitments, etc.) for some time now. And I often got a lot of questions “What is that certificate for?” or “will you get more money or a bigger job as a results of X, Y or Z” or “Don’t you have enough going on?” or “Don’t you ever sleep?” Or sometimes a well-meaning, but a little hurtful “do you ‘still’ paint?” which to me sounds like “gosh, you should have just grown up already and given that up by now.” To all of that, most of the time, I smile and say “I don’t know exactly how it will all hang together, but it will. I believe it will.” There is something liberating about this kind of confidence. It’s not arrogance or sense of self importance. It’s actually the opposite. It’s an admission of my vulnerability and lack of wisdom to "know it all". My humanness, if you will.

I find that the dots most often connect in the most magical and unexpected ways. And sometimes they connect in a very “sneaky” and unrecognizable ways as if to say “peekaboo, didn’t expect me to show up here, did you?” And it’s ok with me. And while I am an active participant in the nitty-gritty of it all, I don't even think about that. I just do. But when I have a small luxury to stand back and appreciate the outcomes, albeit as small as they might sometimes be, for me that is the beauty of the Divine Universe at its very best. The Universe working exactly as it should.  

All of this is not exactly a new understanding for me. A while back I wrote about "Universe's helping hand” when the painting I was doing a research paper on was “magically” brought out of the storage right in front of my eyes at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. But now it's about a newly uncovered appreciation and awe.

My grandma used always says to me "you won't carry anything you learn on your back." What it means is that whatever you learn or accomplish will be of benefit to you or those around you down the road, such as a new skills, new language, new degree, etc. It will serve you or the world at some point in your life and in some way. It’s not going to be a burden “on your back” and it will come in handy.

As a coach (and I suppose as a human), I am often asked "What’s the formula? How do you do it?” And “it” in this case means “plunging in, getting things done and still feeling grateful.” Or at least that’s what I think it means.

Well, darlings, I’ve been thinking about it and here is the “magic” formula. Don’t be disappointed though, it’s not all that sophisticated.

Step 1: Just show up, as completely as you can.

Step 2: Get your hands dirty. Do the work. All of it. Whatever “work” means in your context. It could be filling out a 20 page application to college, updating your resume, writing your business plan, having a difficult conversation with someone important in your life, just getting up in the morning, preparing for an exam, painting over a spot on your new art work after an unfortunate accident with red wine…or something totally different.

Step 3: When tempted to quit, don’t! Simple as that. It’s going to get hard. You’ll question your commitment. It’s going to get uninteresting and unsexy. One of my favorite  business thinkers is Peter Drucker wrote: “Like so many brilliant people, he believes ideas move mountains. But bulldozers move mountains; ideas show the bulldozers where they should go to work.” Basically don’t be too in love with your beautiful ideas, put them in action! Become that bulldozer. Get shit done. Now, keep in mind, there are no guarantees. Plus guarantees are laughable and meaningless anyway. Could it at times (or a lot of times) feel like all your hard work is “for nothing”? Absolutely. Could you still trust that it is leading to your next important dot? Absolutely.

Step 4:  Trust that the stars will align and the dots will connect. And trust that they connect even if you can’t tell how and when and where. Most times you won’t be aware or wise enough to notice. Be ok with it.

Step 5: Be grateful. You know that saying “just happy to be here.” Really become one with it. Be happy to be here, wherever “here” is. And appreciate the actual journey, just on pure faith alone.

Step 6: Watch for the signs and listen for the whispers of fate. Can you see them? Hear them? Feel them? Learn to notice. And when you notice, well, that’s the sweetest part. Just take a deep spiritual bow. Say a prayer of gratitude, not just for the dots themselves but for the Divine glimpse of clarity you were awarded.

Step 7: Repeat step 1.

So you may be wondering, how do I know that the dots connected? I am not sure all of them did. I can never be sure. But I still feel grateful. I believe some of my dots are forming a new constellation and it feels sweet and humbling. This is not a celebratory dance or egoistic self-indulgence. It's actually the opposite. It's an acknowledgement that there are higher powers at play and I appreciate being invited to the dance.  

My favorite book quotes from 2013

When one has a blog, this time of the year, one is tempted to write a sappy “year in review” type of post. I contemplated it, but ultimately decided against it. Instead, I am going to share quotes from some of my favorite books from my 2013 reading frenzy. After all it is through books that I often find my true self. My own life comes into a clearer focus. The books are my teachers and my companions.  They offer wisdom and insight, and I listen to them…As you will see, the books are a crazy array of everything – and they are just a sampling – because that’s how life is – a crazy array of everything, isn’t?  Also, as much as you try, it willl probably be hard to pin point exactly “why” certain quotes are on this list. It’s hard to explain - some arejust for the beauty of the language and the writing, others for the wisdom it offers., yet others for inexplicable reasons – just because they touched something in me. My reasons are not as important as your own reactions to what you read. Enjoy and Happy New Year!

~The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.
~That’s what I’m offering you.” His breath was warm against her skin. “I want to fill your life with color and warmth. I want to fill it with light.”

Redeeming Love: A Novel by Francine Rivers

~Frying chicken always makes me feel a little better about life.
~Some folks is whispering, murmuring to God, and a quiet power fill up the room, like bees buzzing on a comb. I say my prayers to myself. When I’m done, I take a deep breath, wait for the others to finish. When I get home tonight, I’ll write my prayers too. This is worth the double time.
~If chocolate was a sound, it would’ve been Constantine’s voice singing. If singing was a color, it would’ve been the color of that chocolate.

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

~Each phase has been accompanied by a utopian rethinking of art’s relationship to the social and of its political potential – manifested in a reconsideration of the ways in which art is produced, consumed and debate.

Artificial Hells: Participatory Art and the Politics of Spectatorship by Claire Bishop

~Personal choices are not always as personal as they appear. We are all influenced by social conventions, peer pressure, and familial expectations.

~We overwork to overcompensate.

~Guilt management can be just as important as time management for mothers.

~Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to go through life without being labeled by my gender.
~The goal is to give women something men tend to receive automatically—the benefit of the doubt.
~Feeling threatened by others’ choices pulls us all down. Instead, we should funnel our energy into breaking this cycle.
~I am hoping that each woman will set her own goals and reach for them with gusto. And I am hoping that each man will do his part to support women in the workplace and in the home, also with gusto.

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

~You, leaders, are artists: a realization that should overwhelm as well as humble. It underscores your public role and the risks involved. You are putting your work on display every day, like an artist.

~Effective Does Not Mean Good We are repeatedly struck by the tolerance of many companies toward people who are highly compromised. Most often, these are people who make money while simultaneously doing immeasurable damage to morale and to the organization.

~C. S. Lewis once remarked that philosophy is the study of what we already know. We would put leadership in the same camp. A common lament from those who read leadership books is that it is all common sense. What else could it be? Leadership is about a relationship between one person and others. As a relationship, it is subject to the same human interests and concerns that infiltrate other areas of our lives. Therefore, if we are accused of common sense, to that we would say, “Good, it should be.”

Every Leader Is an Artist: How the World's Greatest Artists Can Make You a More Creative Leader by William Baker, Michael O'Malley

 

~Ours was the kind of dinner conversation one might expect to find in an English-as-a-second-language course or in the babble of a Pentecostal church.

~You’ll find the balance you need as soon as you let go of how you think things should be and accept them as they are. Watch for the big wave. It’ll push you in the direction of joy.

~Outside my window the gorgeous blue sky and beaming sunshine mocked me. It was a beautiful new day. Against my will, I started to cry again. I didn’t want a new day full of the same shit as yesterday. I didn’t want to be alone. But I didn’t have the courage not to be.

~On the heels of anger came denial. A glorious place to visit, but a dangerous place to live.

~Life is to be embraced. It’s meant to be lived and enjoyed. Make your mistakes, but make them with gusto and learn from them.

~My attorney, Jeannette, was the sort of elegant, overaccomplished woman I normally disliked on principle alone. She was brilliant, fearless, and dressed with a panache even Fontaine could not duplicate. Her skin reminded me of a mocha latte, and her dark, soulful eyes saw through bullshit like laser vision.

~My heart went pop, pop, sparkle, sparkle, shimmer, shimmer, sigh...

Crazy Little Thing (A Bell Harbor Novel) by Tracy Brogan

~If these statistics surprise you, that’s probably because so many people pretend to be extroverts. Closet introverts pass undetected on playgrounds, in high school locker rooms, and in the corridors of corporate America.

~Peer pressure, in other words, is not only unpleasant, but can actually change your view of a problem.

~Persistence isn’t very glamorous. If genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration, then as a culture we tend to lionize the one percent. We love its flash and dazzle. But great power lies in the other ninety-nine percent.

~Where we stumble is where our treasure lies.

~The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting. For some it’s aBroadway spotlight; for others, a lamplit desk.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

 

~My subjects say the real lessons of life are learned by recognizing and coming to terms with being human. Even as victims, we are beneficiaries because it is how we stand up to failure and duress which really marks our progress in life. Sometimes one of the most important lessons is to learn to just let go of the past.

~We don't need to change who we are in relation to life's experiences, only our negative reactions to these events.

~Lesson we must learn from human relationships is accepting people for who they are without expecting our happiness to be totally dependent upon anyone

Journey of Souls: Case Studies of Life Between Lives by Michael Newton

 

~Like the late United States senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan, we believe that people have a right to their own opinion but not their own facts.

~Untruths that are somewhere on the spectrum between totally unconscious and partly conscious, untruths that people tell not only to others but at times to themselves as well.

~Indeed, in the cultural climate of early twentieth-century America, it may have been as politically incorrect to express tolerance as it is to express intolerance in early twenty-first-century America.

Blindspot: Hidden Biases of Good People by Mahzarin R. Banaji, Anthony G. Greenwald

 

~What was wrong with these Russians? Everything they did was slapdash, disorganized, and half-finished.

~This was how Lenin was all the time. He barked orders at everyone, and they did what he said because he always made sense.

~A baby was like a revolution, Grigori thought: you could start one, but you could not control how it would turn out. General Kornilov’s counterrevolution had been crushed before it got started.

Fall of Giants: Book One of the Century Trilogy by Ken Follett

 

~“All transformation appears to be motivated by desperation and emergency.” She wrote, “The beauty and variety of the natural world are merely the visible legacies of endless war.” She wrote, “The victor shall win—but only until he no longer wins.” She wrote, “This life is a tentative and difficult experiment.”

~“I believe that we are all transient,” she began. She thought for a while and added, “I believe that we are half-blind and full of errors. I believe that we understand very little, and what we do understand is mostly wrong. I believe that life cannot be survived—that is evident!—but if one is lucky, life can be endured for quite a long while. If one is both lucky and stubborn, life can sometimes even be enjoyed.”

~She was not afraid of offending religion, as she frequently told her uncle; she was afraid of offending something far more sacred to her: reason.

~You see, I have never felt the need to invent a world beyond this world, for this world has always seemed large and beautiful enough for me. I have wondered why it is not large and beautiful enough for others—why they must dream up new and marvelous spheres, or long to live elsewhere, beyond this dominion . . . but that is not my business. We are all different, I suppose.

The Signature of All Things: A Novel by Elizabeth Gilbert

~Steel vise wrapped around her chest and squeezed so she felt like she was suffocating and she gasped for air, but beneath her panic she could hear the weary, calm voice of experience: You’ve been here before. It won’t kill you. It feels like you can’t breathe, but you actually are breathing. It feels like you’ll never stop crying, but you actually will.

The Husband's Secret by Liane Moriarty