Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Irreconcilable differences

My fate and I have irreconcilable differences...I believe that it’s not just people who are allowed to declare that they no longer choose their mate due to “irreconcilable differences”. I would like to respectfully disagree with a certain discourse of events, for instance, with the fact that my mom should have an advance form of an incurable illness, and thereby demand a complete redo!

The thing is that I am not crazy. I know it’s futile. But something in me so desperately wants to believe…in miracles.

So, with tears on my face and with an almost childish determination and stubbornness, I sheepishly, yet defiantly look up and say: “Dear Fate, have some heart, would you…please? Isn’t there some way, maybe, possible for you to just turn the wheel around and move along a less rocky path? Could you please show your gentler side? I know you’ve got it in you. I’ve seen it, damn it! Have you ever heard of compassion? How about empathy?”


But then the practical side of me takes over and I feel my inner, wiser, more grown-up self rise to the occasion. And that’s when I hear a stern and poignant: “Shove your irreconcilable differences up your @#$#%! You’ve got to deal with what’s handed to you. Now stop whining, take a deep breath, let go of your ego, find beauty in the ugly and keep moving”.

What’s left for the weary-hearted to do but to follow along? And so, I take the prescription, mix it with a doze of resolute “it is what it is”, and take it all in one big gulp, like a shot of tequila.


“Yes, hello. This is Dr X’s answering service. May I help you?”
“Yes, I need help”
“What can I assist you with?
“Could you please have the doctor call me back right away?”
“Is it an emergency?”
“Yes, I urgently require divine intervention. I need a miracle”.



rmgclu said...

I know the feeling. If only the "big man" would pick on someone else for a little while. If only...

Terry A said...

If one believes (as I quite comfortably do) in a personal Supreme Being, then it's not hard to see that the One who made everything and created "the rules" (water seeks its own level, things get old and die, you can't be in two places at once, etc.) can violate them according to His own purpose. That's not to say He(She?) will, necessarily, just because I ask Him(Her?) to. As your blog suggests, though, life demands that our yearnings at least be heard. The bleakness you experience in addressing "Fate" could then be seen as self-imposed. While some might say I am weak or foolish for believing in a personal God, I will counter that it is as foolish to categorically DENY the unknowable as it might be to believe in it. We are all a ship of fools, I suppose, but perhaps I'm just a more comfortable fool than others.

Anonymous said...

oh Terry, this is a slightly above my IQ level. You'll need 'splain it to me!

D said...

I often feel the same way. Sometimes I also want to say to Him, "I know whatever you did to me is because you love me. But would you please love me less? "...

However, I always remember what you often say to me, "Everything happens for a reason."... so sometimes things happen to us at the time that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection we realize that without overcoming those obstacles we would have never realized our potential, strength, will power or heart.

I believe that's why you are such a woman with strength.