Favorite quotes from some of the books I read in 2016

Sway: The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior by Ori Brafman, Rom Brafman

~ Value attribution, after all, acts as a quick mental shortcut to determine what’s worthy of our attention. […] Once we attribute a certain value to a person or thing, it dramatically alters our perceptions of subsequent information. This power of value attribution is so potent that it affects us even when the value is assigned completely arbitrarily. 

~ If you’ve ever been fortunate enough to work for a boss who values and believes in you, you’ll know that you tend to rise to meet the high expectations set for you. On the other hand, there’s nothing that will make you feel more incompetent and demoralized than a supervisor who is convinced you don’t have what it takes.

~ The more we become aware of the factors affecting the perceived value of a person or object, the less likely we are to be swayed by value attribution. 

Place Called Freedom by Ken Follett

~ The law makes no decisions. It has no will of its own. It’s like a weapon, or a tool: it works for those who pick it up and use it.

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah

~ They think talking about a problem will solve it. I come from a quieter generation. We understand the value of forgetting. 

~ She gave herself over to the sensations of the kiss, let it become the whole of her universe, and knew finally how it felt to be enough for someone.

~ […] everything makes a statement, nothing speaks quite so loudly as cheapness 

~ some images, once seen, can never be forgotten. 

~ Sophie was too old for lies and too young for the truth. 

~ She looked at Vianne, and the universe of their friendship was in her eyes—the secrets they’d shared, the promises they’d made and kept, the dreams for their children that bound them as neatly as sisters.

~ Once a mother, always a mother.

~ […] I am a mother and mothers don’t have the luxury of falling apart in front of their children, even when they are afraid, even when their children are adults. 

~ “Papa,” she said; it was such a big word suddenly, a dream in its entirety.

The Language of Trust: Selling Ideas in a World of Skeptics by Michael Maslansky, Gary DeMoss, Scott West, David Saylor

~ In my experience, overcoming skepticism is much more about emotion than it is about rationality. People must want to believe you before they will believe you. Much of the job of effective communication is about building that foundation of openness so that a message can be accepted. 

~ We are now communicating in the post-trust era (PTE). Yesterday’s trust has become today’s skepticism. 

~ We don’t want to be told what to think. If you are a parent, you have certainly learned that the quickest way to get your children to say no to something is to tell them that it is good for them. 

~ If you’re trying to sell something—widgets, ideas, candidates, anything—you face an uphill battle from the start because, quite frankly, people just don’t believe you, especially if you’re the one in charge.

~ Institutions must stand for something. Now more than ever, companies must actively think about what their brands symbolize to the public. 

~ Your language must be strategic, authentic, humble, and receptive to opposition.

~ The language of trust is the language of your audience. 

~ The fastest way to get someone to buy your product is to give them objective information and let them make up their own mind. 

~ Selling is about building trust, then offering the facts in a neutral, nonintimidating way and allowing the consumer to decide

~ When humorist Will Rogers noted that “A stranger is just a friend I haven’t met yet” nearly a century ago, he was in a very real sense capturing part of today’s mind-set for creating trust. When you engage people as friends you haven’t met yet, you start building the personal relationships that will guide you past today’s walls of initial skepticism. 

While You Were Mine by Ann Howard Creel

~ Separately we might have sunk, but together we moved beyond bloodlines and nationalities and backgrounds and formed a vessel that somehow stayed afloat. 

~ If faces could tell stories, then John’s was open to the page where all seemed lost. 

~ […] New York City. He didn’t think there was any other place on earth where a person could be surrounded by throngs of others and still feel completely alone. A man could keep entirely to himself if he wanted to, or he could tell his story to every shoeshine, waitress, and hawker in the city. He could isolate himself in a hotel room or go out on the town, surrounded by thousands of people. There was something sad about it, all these people rushing around, but a man would never feel dead here. Just take a new street, or turn the next corner. Everything was so busy and in constant motion, and maybe that was part of the problem. 

~ Maybe humans, instead of being the highest form of life, were really the lowest.

~ Sometimes you know something, even when you don’t want to know it.

Яма by Александр Иванович Куприн (The Pit, by Aleksandr Ivanovich Kuprin –Russian edition) 

~ Нет, вы подумайте: ведь только в одной русской душе могут ужиться такие противоречия!

~ Я говорю, что жизнь поражает, ставит в тупик своей диковинной путаницей и неразберихой.

~ Все мы проходим мимо этих характерных мелочей равнодушно, как слепые, точно не видя, что они валяются у нас под ногами. 

~ Потому что сама по себе жизнь или чересчур обыденна и скучна для тебя, или уж так чересчур неправдоподобна, как только умеет быть неправдоподобной жизнь. 

~ Человек рожден для великой радости, для беспрестанного творчества, в котором он — бог, для широкой, свободной, ничем не стесненной любви ко всему […]

~ Пока будет собственность, будет и нищета. Пока существует брак, не умрет и проституция. Знаешь ли ты, кто всегда будет поддерживать и питать проституцию? Это так называемые порядочные люди, благородные отцы семейств, безукоризненные мужья, любящие братья. 

The Secret Healer (The Secret Healer Series) by Ellin Carsta

~ You have to make a decision and live with the consequences

~ But we all make mistakes. Some more than others. And yet, we always have the opportunity to do better next time.

~ “I believe that God gives us challenges to overcome. It’s his way of letting us grow.” “So do you think that God is just testing me?” “It’s possible.” “But why?” “Only He knows why. We are too unenlightened to understand everything, but we can rely on the fact that all will be well in the end.” “How do you know? That it will end well?” “I just know. Believe me. One day, you will understand all of this.”   

~ “Why are there incredible people like you, and also those who want nothing more than to see people hang?” She tried to smile. “So that balance is not lost.” 

Sales Management. Simplified.: The Straight Truth About Getting Exceptional Results from Your Sales Team by Mike Weinberg

~ Three core pillars of sales leadership—leading, managing, and coaching

~ Often, what is believed to be a sales problem turns out to be a leadership and culture problem.

~ True sales hunters are a unique and rare breed. The majority of sales teams are composed mostly of farmers (account managers) and engineers (product/service experts). 

~ The leader who is constantly preaching about holding people accountable for results and doesn’t follow through does more damage than if he hadn’t said anything in the first place. 

~ Salespeople are not paid to do work, or to be busy. The job is to drive revenue—specifically, new revenue. 

~ The salesperson doesn’t establish herself as a professional or assert control by setting up the meeting, sharing her agenda, and getting buy-in from the customer. Sellers approach the sales call already in presentation mode and are too quick to jump to a demo or presentation. Salespeople talk way too much and listen way too little. It’s very hard to come across as a professional problem solver when you don’t discover the customer’s real issues. As I’m fond of repeating: Discovery precedes presentation—always! 

~ The job of the sales manager is not to manage the sales department. Your primary job is to drive sales. There is no extra credit for dividing your time equally across all of your people, but there is fame and fortune for the sales leader who consistently over-delivers on results. 

~ Individual Business Plans Are a Gift to the Sales Leader 

1. Goals—What are you going to achieve? 
2. Strategies—How are you going to do it? 
3. Actions—What are you going to do? 
4. Obstacles—What’s in the way? 
5. Personal Development, Growth, and Motivation—How do you want to grow this year and what will keep you motivated? 

~ Sales leaders, be wary of your tendency to chase after the next shiny new sales toy promising to alter the course of history. […] I have yet to encounter a sales team that failed to deliver what was expected of them because they were missing some newfangled sales tool or process. […] Sales teams underperform because sales leaders ignore or botch the very fundamentals of sales management.

The Midwife's Revolt (The Midwife Series Book 1) by Jodi Daynard

~ But I was also learning to defer. To defer was the lot of womankind.

~ How indifferent Nature can seem, at times, to our suffering!

~ Once you see a patient’s eyes shine with gratitude—well, if your heart does not break or your blood cringe, you are called for life. 

~ I was new at loss then, not a master as I am now.

~ Between pain and harm, my mother taught me, lay a vast moral divide. Sometimes one must cause pain to avoid harm. This lesson was my mother’s great gift to me. 

The Whole Brain Business Book, Second Edition: Unlocking the Power of Whole Brain Thinking in Organizations, Teams, and Individuals by Ned Herrmann, Ann Herrmann-Nehdi

~ Applying Whole Brain Thinking means being able to fully leverage one’s own preferences, stretch to other styles when necessary, and adapt to and take advantage of the preferences of those around you to improve performance and results.

~ Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. —Albert Camus

~ Preference is a matter of attraction; competence to perform a given task comes through training and experience. Competence can be developed to reasonable or even superior levels whether or not the person is attracted to the task (necessity can be the mother of competency). But true expertise and world-class competence are achieved almost exclusively in our areas of preference. 

~ Situational wholeness is the key to improving your personal effectiveness.

~ While people with strikingly different thinking preferences often have difficulty understanding each other, those with very similar thinking preferences can become competitive with each other. 

~ […] in many business situations, creativity is the element that makes the difference between success and failure. It can be the make-or-break competitive advantage, since we know that creativity is mental, and mental diversity is a key to the creative process. Business leaders who understand the significance of diversity in the creative process can take advantage of their organization’s potential by forming teams that are made up of people with different thinking-style preferences. 

~ No matter whom you are trying to influence, when you’re able to “meet them where they think,” you’ll be more efficient, and you’ll have a better chance of getting the response you’re looking for. 

~ I’m not suggesting that you abandon your natural preferences. Rather, this is about using your strengths more effectively in service of the business’s needs and, just as important, learning to see beyond the mental blind spots that may have resulted from your having applied and reinforced your preferences over the course of your life, education, and career. Embracing complexity requires constant learning and exposure to diverse points of view. 

~ Sometimes leaders at the top say they want a change agent, but then when they realize what that means—that at a personal level, they may need to go about doing things a little differently—their reaction is, ‘Are you kidding? We really don’t want to do things that way.’ 

~ Positive, creative change requires a mindset for change. A mindset is the way we see things, the part of our “cognitive unconscious” where we have already formed mental maps that become our point of reference for how we look at the world. 

~ I discovered that the public rewarded trying to be an artist to a far greater degree than it punished poor execution of the finished art. I found that the rewards outweighed the risks to such an extent that my activity level soon gave me the practice that I needed to overcome the skill deficits of a beginner. 

~ Man’s mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions. —Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. 

About my America

I remember when I was about 10 or 11 years old, while still living in former Soviet Union, I went to a big concert hall...to accompany my grandfather to vote. I remember holding his hand tightly because there were so many people around us and I was afraid of getting lost. The mood was festive. Men, women and children were waving Soviet flags, some were singing popular Soviet songs...I believe it was an unusually warm autumn day.

When we got to the actual polling site, I remember asking my grandfather what was the point of voting if there is only one candidate on the ballot... and I also remember how he immediately pulled me aside and in an angry whisper told me to never, ever repeat that thought out loud to anyone ever again. I recall that it hurt my feelings to know that my grandfather, whom I adored, didn't approve of something I said, especially because it was evident to me that I was right.

Later that evening, my whole family gathered around our black and white TV set. "It's another landslide win for our communist party!" said the news anchor enthusiastically. "Our people have voted! Our ideals have been upheld once again! Long live proletariat and our communist leaders!" All over the news there were celebratory reports of yet another successful, "unanimous" win of a communist party. Of course, the communist party and its candidates were the only ones on the ballot. I watched, and for the first time in my life, I had doubts... about adults and life in general. 

My grandfather and grandmother were beautiful and wise people. They have seen it all...And I trusted them completely. I remember them explaining to me that "this is just how things are." They told me that they understood my questions and incredulity. After all, they were the ones who always took me seriously and expected me to think for myself, but for "everyone's safety," they told me, it's best to just not question things...

All during this election year, I have found myself often reflecting on that day which I now realize was a true coming of age moment. To me, that day, was an equivalent to realizing that your parents and grandparents won't live forever and won't be able to protect you from this big strange, illogical world. It was a hard pill to swallow.

Political discourse has never interested me before. Those seeds of distrust in the "system" grew roots in my psyche and those experiences have left a mark (or a scar..) Over the past 10 years, however, I have been paying much more attention. I suppose, the depth of my love for this country have began to outweigh the sad baggage created in me by the country where I was born. Or maybe because İ am now a parent and I have developed a sense of responsibility for the future generations.

Just two short days before our 2016 historic election, I find myself lost in thoughts and often with helpless tears in my eyes. America for me represents a beacon of hope (and, no, these are not just words). My America is the place that was once unknown and now is so dear, so special. My America is one where, I hope, my child is going to grow up and make it an even a better place. My America is the one where "the system" has proven itself over and over since 1776. Sure, it's not perfect! But let me tell you, it is still one of the best (for me, it is THE best) places to live. 

And since I so often don't have many answers, the following questions are running through my mind:

- will America be alright after this election?
- will the world be alright?
- will we be able to look each other in the eye on November 9 if the unthinkable happens?
- will I still feel at home here?
- will I still feel safer here than anywhere in the world?
- will there still be freedom of speech? Or will I have to tell my child that for "everyone's safety," it's best to keep our views private?
- will I have to hide that I am an immigrant, a refugee, a woman, a person of Jewish descent, or that I have an accent, or that I am married to a Turkish man? Or that I am an American citizen? Or anything else that makes me who I am?
- will 2016 be the kind of coming of age, rude awakening moment for my son akin to the one I experienced over 30 years ago? 
- will history be repeated...? 

And so with all these questions unanswered or unanswerable, with hope for a kinder world in which reason and common sense can prevail, with deepest love and gratitude for my beautiful America, MY country, and, admittedly, with a very heavy heart, I anxiously anticipate results of this unusual election.

May God bless America! My America... our America.

A letter to my 16 year old self

Darling,

I am now old enough to be your mother. Which likely means that much of what I am about to say will sound like an esoteric bunch of gibberish to you. Bear with me, dear girl, and listen. I promise, I will keep it short. 

I know you are sad and heartbroken right now… But please, please try not worry so much about leaving the Soviet Union and starting a new life in America. I know you have so many questions. I won’t sugarcoat it – this journey won’t be an easy one. And yet, all you need to know now is that it's going to be OK. It will be better than OK, actually. You are going to figure it out! Yes, all of it! And New York City will become your “home sweet home.”

You will learn English and, you know what, you will master it enough to be as "witty” in English as you are in Russian. I dare say, you will even be wittier. 

Fear less (much less) and love more. I can’t explain it now but it will always be important. Just trust me on this one.

Spend as much time as you can with grandma, grandpa and mom. There will come a day when their hugs and their smiles will live only in your memories.  Listen more, be more patient and be kinder…You will always be their hope and their rock. They will always be your guiding light.

As much as you imagine your future of solitary existence, that kind of proud, passion-less un-attachment isn’t in the cards for you. You will find love or rather love will find you. And it will be real, boundless, crazy, “ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love” (as it will one day be described by Carrie Bradshaw in the HBO’s "Sex and the city" …but that’s much, much later.)  

Make gratitude, love and zest for life your personal religion.

Keep making art. It will always be your companion and your joy! In about 20 years or so, you’ll have a Master’s in art history, a website, a Facebook page, and an Instagram account. See, I told you, it will sound like gibberish!

You know how grandma often, lovingly and with kindness, wishes you to one day have a kid who will be just like you? She says he or she will be equally stubborn and strong-willed, will push your every button, question everything, will keep you on your toes and will make you want to be a better version of yourself? Well, watch out! Her wishes for you will become reality and it will be amazing. That’s all I am going to say right now.

You will be blessed with incredible friendships. Your soulmates will surround, embrace you and you will walk through life together with them. Never, ever take them for granted and always strive to give more than you receive.

This will absolutely sound like a cliché, but I will say it anyway – keep searching for your own voice and your north star. Don’t doubt that you can do anything. You will always be a work in progress, but as time goes by, you will get closer and closer to something resembling wisdom, a kind of “essence” of the human you are meant to be. Just keep working, learning and chipping away at this big, amazing pie called life.

Look for signs. The Universe will be speaking to you in hundreds of different ways. Pay attention. And don’t let any butterfly fly by without blessing it with your smile.

You’ve always wanted to have special powers. And guess what? You already have them. Many years from now you will discover names of these magical powers – compassion, empathy, love, attention…Doesn’t sound special enough for you? Oh my darling, you have so much more to learn.

And, my dear sweet girl, you will have to shave your legs... this is what they do here, in America. Seriously, as ridiculous as it sounds now, it is a non-negotiable, necessary evil. We will discuss underarms another time...

With a lot love, pride and faith in you,

Your older self.

About truth and fireflies

It's always the airplane ride... what is it about the experience of being detached from the ground, 30,000 feet in the air that makes me want to weep and write and think... And pour my heart out. 

It is one of those moments. 

As I look outside the window, at the clouds, the wing of the airplane, I can't help but think of... Well everything and nothing all at once. The world outside seems calm and peaceful. And there is some kind of timeless wisdom about it all. Some kind of all-knowing "truth" that says: "don't fret little girl - it's all been done before. It's all been felt before."

My mind, of course, has a mind of its own. It grabs on to the idea of truth and gives it a whirl.

I give advice all the time. Helpfulness just bursts out of me like water out of an overflowing dam. I am a fixer. People open up to me. I suppose there is something about me which makes it easier to open up. I listen. I nod and speak. What do I speak of? My own experience, words of encouragement. I tell stories. I recommend action. I comfort. I repeat some sage words I have encountered along the way. I suppose at its very core, what I am doing is trying to help someone get closer to the truth, their truth. 

The older I get, however, I seem to let go of the grip of the “known” and open my palm to the “unknown,” as if trying to catch it like a firefly. 

As I give advice, more often than not I have been catching myself in the "act." As I utter the words in response to someone else's pain and doubt, at times despair, fear, or joy, something inside me moves uncomfortably. It is my own doubt, or perhaps my egoless, higher self. I don't know. It stirs things up. What do I know myself about the truth? What do I know about right or wrong? What gives me the right or privilege to be there for another soul's journey? How can I, a mere mortal, help them sort things out? I am but another traveler along the rocky roads of life, feeling my way through it all, searching for meaning.

And yet, at times, the uncomfortable feeling is replaced with some kind of invisible but very real divine reassurance. A kind of all-knowing voice that says: "You are exactly where you need to be. It is in fact your duty to be of service." I remember my grandmother often. She was an incredible doctor. No, not a doctor, she was a healer. She told me about having a calling - for her it was to heal people's bodies - and she told me about the oath doctors take, the Hippocratic Oath. I remember her telling me about one of the oldest binding promises by which doctors promise to “treat the ill to the best of one's ability.” My grandmother knew that’s what she was meant to do since she remembered herself.

Do I have a calling? What truth do I hold dear? I suppose for me it is to be of service of someone, in whatever way fate demands it. This realization came to me gradually and later in life. But I do remember as a little girl, growing up in the former Soviet Union, I dreamt of having special powers... And now, I know, there is nothing special about these special powers. I am simply here, on earth, with my palms opened, catching fireflies. And learning...

About Meaning

I’ve been thinking a lot about meaning. And I’ve been meaning to write about it…Well, the truth is that I’ve been thinking about it since the beginning of this year and this is nineteenth variation of this blog post (so much for not overthinking, huh? See previous post on that topic) I have been starting and stopping it, writing and rewriting it for a long time.  Seriously, who has a blog and doesn’t post anything on it for months? Apparently, I do. 

As I get older, as the world turns and I feel blessed with brief moments of deeper awareness, I am often faced with a question - what is the meaning of [insert anything in parenthesis – life, suffering, work, parenting, illness, health, relationships, friendships, marriage….] For example: there is a big project, it will take hours and days and perhaps months to complete and to do well. What's the meaning in this work? And, an equally important question: is that meaning worthy enough of the precious hours of my life? And as the weeks pass by, I take stock, more questions: What have I accomplished? What was the meaning of the tasks I got done? And what's the ratio of meaningful things and actions to meaningless things and actions? And am I pleased with that ratio?

And these questions then haunt me and don’t let me sleep. They demand answers. These questions demand resolutions. Above all, these questions demand a certain specific way of living one’s life. The voice in my head (the loudest one) screams: "Are you lockstep with your values? Are you making a positive impact in the lives of others? And is that impact meaningful?" 

Now, let me admit right up front that the answers are fuzzy and ill-defined. Who am I kidding, most of the time I don’t have any answers. (Yes, you read it right – there is no punch line or a big reveal down below.) As Joan Didion, an American author, famously said “I don't know what I think until I write it down.” I suppose, I write to find meaning. This post isn't a set of answers but rather an invitation to join me in my private / public conversation with myself in search for meaning.  

Last year, I read a whole book on meaning. It shook my consciousness like few other books ever have. The book is called Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. If you haven’t read it, you must…

Frankl writes: “Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual. These tasks, and therefore the meaning of life, differ from man to man, and from moment to moment. Thus it is impossible to define the meaning of life in a general way. Questions about the meaning of life can never be answered by sweeping statements. “Life” does not mean something vague, but something very real and concrete, just as life’s tasks are also very real and concrete. They form man’s destiny, which is different and unique for each individual. No man and no destiny can be compared with any other man or any other destiny. No situation repeats itself, and each situation calls for a different response.” Is that powerful or what? Frankl survived an incredibly hard life and found meaning in it AND lived to write about it.  Does it mean we all can?

While it may seem that the meaning of anything needs to be grandiose, too big to grasp, theoretical, what Frankl teaches us is that meaning comes from putting one foot in front of the other, doing the work, showing up for life, even when we are broken, even when things are hopeless, even when we are hitting a new low every day… Just taking responsibility for one task at a time. It may sound un-glamorous and yet it feels so right.  

There is a lot more written on the meaning of meaning…and I can fill this blog with a ton of quotes (you know, I am good at finding good quotes. If not, just see my previous blog post.) Instead I want to leave you with some questions:

• What is meaningful to you? 
• Are you sure about that? 
• How do you know that it is meaningful? 
• Since you are so certain about that thing that is so meaningful to you, what are you doing about it? Yes, you – are you creating more of that meaning in your life?

Earlier this year, I declared that this will be the year of “Meaning,” with a big M. While I am far from clarity, what I know for sure, is that finding meaning feels immensely important to me. Does it to you? 

My favorite quotes from the books I read in 2015

Are you ready for a really really long blog post? Here some of my favorite quotes from some of my favorite books of 2015 (yes, what I am saying that this post could have been even longer).

I am always grateful for the joy of reading. I believe books help us become better humans. As I continue to be shaped by my life experiences, I am relying on the wisdom of books to guide me through life and be my teachers.

#1 quote of the year is from the book called “Man’s search for meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl

“The truth—that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire.”

Enjoy (at your own pace)!  

Three Daughters: A Novel by Consuelo Saah Baehr

She wanted to remember how it felt to be engulfed by his body, a sensation so thrilling it blotted out conscience and duty.

She exhaled deeply, letting go of a life that was no more than a pale constricted dream. She was a woman now. She was suffused with her sense of femaleness.

Miriam, you have the gift of acceptance, but also the will to take the difficult road.

There comes a point when—no matter how grievous the loss—the innate will of the body and mind to flourish takes over.  

With no large event to mark its passing, time had less meaning.

But now, today, she felt emotionally murky. It was resentment of such long standing she could barely guess at the true origin.

She had a private smile—not broad in any sense—just a little folding in of her lips.

Their marriage had appeared so arbitrary—a girl from this household and a boy from that one. They hadn’t chosen each other out of love or necessity. Yet despite that, he had decided to adore her.

She was married but she didn’t feel married.

“Perfect love,” he had once said to her, “is what parents feel for a child. It’s love that wants nothing back.”

We must take things hard that are hard but also go forward and not ask too many questions.

Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert

He seemed to live in a state of uninterrupted marvel, and he encouraged them to do the same.

So this, I believe, is the central question upon which all creative living hinges: Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?

I’m talking about living a life that is driven more strongly by curiosity than by fear.

Creativity is a path for the brave, yes, but it is not a path for the fearless, and it’s important to recognize the distinction.

Basically, your fear is like a mall cop who thinks he’s a Navy SEAL: He hasn’t slept in days, he’s all hopped up on Red Bull, and he’s liable to shoot at his own shadow in an absurd effort to keep everyone “safe.” This is all totally natural and human.

I believe that creativity is a force of enchantment—not entirely human in its origins.

Most of my writing life consists of nothing more than unglamorous, disciplined labor. I sit at my desk and I work like a farmer, and that’s how it gets done. Most of it is not fairy dust in the least. But sometimes it is fairy dust.

Your own reasons to create are reason enough. Merely by pursuing what you love, you may inadvertently end up helping us plenty.

There’s probably never going to be any such thing in your life or mine as “an arts emergency.”

You must learn how to become a deeply disciplined half-ass. It starts by forgetting about perfect. We don’t have time for perfect. In any event, perfection is unachievable

The most evil trick about perfectionism, though, is that it disguises itself as a virtue.

Done Is Better Than Good!

Do what you love to do, and do it with both seriousness and lightness.

I did not leap into that book with my hair on fire; I inched toward it, clue by clue.

Interesting outcomes, after all, are just awful outcomes with the volume of drama turned way down.

I think the fiercest question of all is this one: What would you do even if you knew that you might very well fail?

Power Questions: Build Relationships, Win New Business, and Influence Others by Andrew Sobel, Jerold Panas

I'm thinking that some folks aren't hard of hearing. They're hard of listening.

The four words I want him to say are, ‘What do you think?

Thoreau wrote in his journal: “The greatest compliment was paid to me today. Someone asked me what I thought and actually attended to my answer.”

Why do you do what you do?

Problems are like an ice cream cone. If you don't lick them, they cause a mess.

What in your life has given you the greatest fulfillment?”

A sense of fulfillment is different from a feeling of accomplishment or happiness. Fulfillment comes from achieving your hopes and dreams. It reflects a state of completeness or wholeness.

Are there any issues we haven't discussed that you think are relevant to this particular challenge?

Absorbed by the details of our day-to-day lives, we are rarely allowed to dream. Invite a friend or loved one to share their heart with you. Ask: “What are your dreams?

I'm thinking that a difficult experience is often the best education, but sometimes the tuition is very high.

If you had to write your obituary today, what would you like it to say about you and your life?

Never, ever interrupt a productive silence!

What decisions do we need to make today?

Drucker's Five Questions in Your Personal Life 1. What is your mission? 2. Which are the most important relationships you want to invest in? 3. What are the essential priorities and goals of those closest to you? 4. What are your expectations of the people around you, and what do they expect of you? 5. What is your plan?

The American Lady (The Glassblower Trilogy Book 2) by Petra Durst-Benning

 “New York is a work of art in its own right. There are no new worlds to discover in this day and age, but this world-class city is the work of human hands. A work in progress. And each and every one of us should feel grateful to be a part of it.”

She found her thoughts wandering all over the place like paper boats drifting on a pond. It was a strange feeling, and she didn’t quite know whether she even liked it.

The Glassblower (The Glassblower Trilogy Book 1) by Petra Durst-Benning

 “Customers are like whores,” he told her once. “They’re there to be taken. And if you don’t take them, then someone else will come along and do so.” He peered at Johanna as he spoke. “You can do whatever you like with a customer, anything at all—except one thing: never let him leave without closing

“How others perceive us is entirely up to us. A man is what he makes of himself. He can be treated with respect and goodwill, or he can be crushed underfoot like a worm. If you want to be successful in the world of trade and commerce, then you must look successful. It rests in your hands.

True love is much stronger than us mortals. It stops us from being scared of what tomorrow may bring.

The Challenger Customer: Selling to the Hidden Influencer Who Can Multiply Your Results by Brent Adamson, Pat Spenner, Matthew Dixon, Nick Toman

Emphasis on collaborative decision making is increasing in an attempt to reap the benefits of diverse perspectives on business issues

It turns out, the far bigger story isn’t about suppliers’ struggle to sell solutions, it’s the customer’s struggle to buy them.

this is no longer a single sale, but a serial sale, each one a little different and carefully positioned to each stakeholder.

Remember, the goal isn’t so much to convince someone to buy a solution but, rather, to persuade them to change their behavior.

Insight, in other words, isn’t designed just to teach customers something new that they’ve never thought before, but to unteach them something

INSIGHT IS NOT THOUGHT LEADERSHIP

 “We have to teach our customers that the pain of same is greater than the pain of change.”

Commercial Insight isn’t an individual sales technique nearly as much as organizational commercial strategy.

The Color of Secrets by Lindsay Jayne Ashford

Some things are too painful to put into words.

She felt as if he had turned her body inside out, found her soul and set it free.

It doesn’t make any difference that I’m not your real dad. I’m real in all the ways that matter

The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer

The truth is that most of life will unfold in accordance with forces far outside your control, regardless of what your mind says about it.

If you spend your time hoping that it doesn’t rain tomorrow, you are wasting your time.

Eventually you will see that the real cause of problems is not life itself. It’s the commotion the mind makes about life that really causes problems.

What you end up experiencing is really a personal presentation of the world according to you, rather than the stark, unfiltered experience of what is really out there.

Consciousness is the highest word you will ever utter. There is nothing higher or deeper than consciousness. Consciousness is pure awareness.

One of these great saints, Ramana Maharshi, used to ask, “Who am I?” We see now that this is a very deep question. Ask it ceaselessly, constantly. Ask it and you will notice that you are the answer. There is no intellectual answer—you are the answer. Be the answer, and everything will change.

What you’ll see, if you watch carefully, is that you have a phenomenal amount of energy inside of you. It doesn’t come from food and it doesn’t come from sleep. This energy is always available to you. At any moment you can draw upon it. It just wells up and fills you from inside. When you’re filled with this energy, you feel like you could take on the world. When it is flowing strongly, you can actually feel it

There is a very simple method for staying open. You stay open by never closing. It’s really that simple. All you have to do is decide whether you are willing to stay open, or whether you think it’s worth closing.

What it means to live life is to experience the moment that is passing through you, and then experience the next moment, and then the next.

You are protecting your ego, your self-concept.

So you decide to use life to free yourself. You become willing to pay any price for the freedom of your soul. You will realize that the only price you have to pay is letting go of yourself.

Fear doesn’t want to feel itself; it’s actually afraid of itself.

Life is continuously changing, and if you’re trying to control it, you’ll never be able to fully live it. Instead of living life, you’ll be afraid of life.

The purpose of spiritual evolution is to remove the blockages that cause your fear.

People end up using their relationships to hide their thorns. If you care for each other, you are expected to adjust your behavior to avoid bumping into each other’s soft spots. This is what people do. They let the fear of their inner thorns affect their behavior.

How do you free yourself? In the deepest sense, you free yourself by finding yourself.

You don’t have to get rid of loneliness; you just cease to be involved with it. Bottom of Form

You are either trying to stop suffering, controlling your environment to avoid suffering, or worrying about suffering in the future. This state of affairs is so prevalent that you don’t see it, just as a fish doesn’t see the water.

The body is communicating through its universal language: pain. Your psyche is communicating through its universal language: fear.

Every time you get into your car, as you’re settling into the seat, just stop. Take a moment to remember that you’re spinning on a planet in the middle of empty space.

Walk outside on a clear night and just look up into the sky. You are sitting on a planet spinning around in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Though you can only see a few thousand stars, there are hundreds of billions of stars in our Milky Way Galaxy alone.

In truth, pain is the price of freedom.

You are not your thoughts; you are aware of your thoughts. You are not your emotions; you feel your emotions.

The question was, very simply, “Do you want to be happy or not?” If you keep it that simple, you will see that it really is under your control. It’s just that you have a deep-seated set of preferences that gets in the way.

You will be surprised to find that in most situations there’s nothing to deal with except for your own fears and desires. Fear and desire make everything seem so complicated. If you don’t have fear or desire about an event, there’s really nothing to deal with. You simply allow life to unfold and interact with it in a natural and rational manner. When the next thing happens, you’re fully present in that moment and simply enjoying the experience of life.

So start using every day to let go of that scared part of you that won’t let you live life fully. Since you know you’re going to die, be willing to say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done.

Life itself is your career, and your interaction with life is your most meaningful relationship.

What actually gives life meaning is the willingness to live it.

To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others by Daniel H. Pink

Attunement is the ability to bring one’s actions and outlook into harmony with other people and with the context you’re in. Think of it as operating the dial on a radio.

Assume that you’re not the one with power.

Seligman calls “flexible optimism—optimism with its eyes open.”

If I don’t know my problem, I might need some help finding it.

People often find potential more interesting than accomplishment because it’s more uncertain, the researchers argue.

Sales and theater have much in common. Both take guts. Salespeople pick up the phone and call strangers; actors walk onto the stage in front of them. Both invite rejection—for salespeople, slammed doors, ignored calls, and a pile of nos; for actors, a failed audition

Listening without some degree of intimacy isn’t really listening.

Genuine listening is a bit like driving on a rain-slicked highway. Speed kills. If you want to get to your destination, you’re better off decelerating and occasionally hitting the brake.  

The idea here isn’t to win. It’s to learn.

Alfred Fuller intuited years before improv was ever invented. “Never argue,” he wrote. “To win an argument is to lose a sale.”

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting,

It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.

The Soul of the World is nourished by people’s happiness.

“All things are one,” the old man had said.

Sometimes, there’s just no way to hold back the river.

One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.

There is only one way to learn,” the alchemist answered. “It’s through action. Everything you need to know you have learned through your journey. You need to learn only one thing more.”

It said that all people who are happy have God within them.

If a person is living out his Personal Legend, he knows everything he needs to know. There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure

When we love, we always strive to become better than we are

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.

The truth—that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire.

The salvation of man is through love and in love. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved.

Love goes very far beyond the physical person of the beloved. It finds its deepest meaning in his spiritual being, his inner self. Whether or not he is actually present, whether or not he is still alive at all, ceases somehow to be of importance.

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living.

No man should judge unless he asks himself in absolute honesty whether in a similar situation he might not have done the same.

Man can preserve a vestige of spiritual freedom, of independence of mind, even in such terrible conditions of psychic and physical stress.

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death.

Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual. These tasks, and therefore the meaning of life, differ from man to man, and from moment to moment. Thus it is impossible to define the meaning of life in a general way. Questions about the meaning of life can never be answered by sweeping statements. “Life” does not mean something vague, but something very real and concrete, just as life’s tasks are also very real and concrete. They form man’s destiny, which is different and unique for each individual. No man and no destiny can be compared with any other man or any other destiny. No situation repeats itself, and each situation calls for a different response.

When a man finds that it is his destiny to suffer, he will have to accept his suffering as his task; his single and unique task. He will have to acknowledge the fact that even in suffering he is unique and alone in the universe. No one can relieve him of his suffering or suffer in his place. His unique opportunity lies in the way in which he bears his burden.

But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer.

Human kindness can be found in all groups, even those which as a whole it would be easy to condemn.

From all this we may learn that there are two races of men in this world, but only these two—the “race” of the decent man and the “race” of the indecent man. Both are found everywhere; they penetrate into all groups of society. No group consists entirely of decent or indecent people. In this sense, no group is of “pure race”—and therefore one occasionally found a decent fellow among the camp guards. Life in a concentration camp tore open the human soul and exposed its depths.

Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now

The more one forgets himself—by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love—the more human he is and the more he actualizes himself.

Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him.

Coaching for Improved Work Performance, Revised Edition by Ferdinand Fournies

The fact is, in the business world when you fire somebody, you actually suffer more than he or she does.

Business is one of the most undemocratic organizations in our democracy.

When you hire people as employees you do not buy people, or their bodies, or their brains, or their values. You merely rent their behavior. This might be broom-pushing behavior, word-processing behavior, code-writing behavior,

The reason this logical and most important first step is bypassed with employee problems is because managers assume the employee knows the problem exists.

Conscious Business: How to Build Value through Values by Fred Kofman

In Argentina we have a saying: “Nobody’s more blind that the one who doesn’t want to see.”

Nobody is immune from unconsciousness. The best way to deal with it is not to judge it, but to touch it with compassion and awareness.

There are no death camps in corporations, but many apparently successful companies hide great suffering in their basements. I have seen professional identities destroyed in meeting rooms through innuendo, rumors, and negative opinions.

I realized then that awareness is not a one-time decision. Staying conscious is an ongoing process that demands constant attention and commitment. I vowed to keep my eyes open and look beyond appearances.

I am who I am, and perfectly so. I am not perfect; I am perfectly imperfect in my own unique way. And so is everything.  

And they learned that when all is said and done, service to others is the highest spiritual and business imperative.

He is an intellectual wonder and a management disaster.

Living consciously is a state of being mentally active rather than passive. It is the ability to look at the world through fresh eyes. It is intelligence taking joy in its own function. Living consciously is seeking to be aware of everything that bears on our interests, actions, values, purposes, and goals. It is the willingness to confront facts, pleasant or unpleasant. It is the desire to discover our mistakes and correct them

Conscious employees take responsibility for their lives. They don’t compromise human values for material success. They speak their truth and listen to others’ truths with honesty and respect. They look for creative solutions to disagreements and honor their commitments impeccably.

Blame is a tranquilizer. It soothes the blamer, sheltering him from accountability for his life. But like any drug, its soothing effect quickly turns sour, miring him in resignation

The questions to elicit the story of the player are: 1 What challenge did you face? 2 How did you contribute (by acting or not acting) to create this situation? 3 How did you respond to the challenge? 4 Can you think of a more effective course of action you could have taken? 5 Could you have made some reasonable preparations to reduce the risk or the impact of the situation? 6 Can you do something now to minimize or repair the damage? 7 What can you learn from this experience?

Only a conscious leader can evoke the spirit of unconditional responsibility in each of her followers and in her organization as a whole.

Your behavior always expresses your values-in-action.

Your integrity hinges on whether your values-in-action agree with your essential values. When they do, you feel pride. When they do not, you feel guilt

The difference between saying it and doing it boils down to a single word: discipline.

Discipline is the capacity to maintain awareness and choose consciously in the face of instinctual pressures.

One of the hallmarks of ontological arrogance is that you don’t distinguish your identity from your opinions. You assume that your thoughts and your self are one and the same.

An opinion is toxic when it masquerades as a fact.

Person can usually “smell” your toxic opinions behind your facade of politeness.

Most difficult conversations involve doubts about the way we relate to each other. Typical questions are, Are we close? Are we aligned? Do we have a common purpose? Are we cooperating? Can we trust each other? Do we respect each other? Have there been betrayals or breakdowns that threaten our relationship? How do I feel about you? How do you feel about me? What should I do about you and your feelings? What should you do about me and my feelings?

When criticism meets defensiveness, it turns into contempt.

Intimacy is often as frightening as conflict.

Majority rule is four wolves and a sheep voting on what’s for dinner.

Scarcity creates interdependence, which in turn creates conflict.

The problem is that we take our opinions to be more than simply our view of the world; we think of them as an accurate description of the world. Furthermore, we identify with our opinions

In these “dead” marriages, spouses continue to live together but are emotionally estranged. Some of these couples openly agree to stay together for the sake of the children,

Emotions are good advisors, but terrible masters.

Every time we block an emotion we incur an emotional debt, which sooner or later we have to pay—with high interest.

 “Would” opens a conversation, while “should” closes it.

If you forgive out of a sense of superiority or pity, you are confusing forgiveness with arrogance.

Challenging others’ emotions makes them feel judged, misunderstood, and disrespected. In extreme cases, it can make them doubt their sanity.

Awareness is irreversible. Once you start seeing, you can’t pretend to be blind.

Yellow Crocus by Laila Ibrahim

Remember how I always have my mama’s love in my heart? Well, you gonna always have my love in your heart to guide you. You smart and you strong and you have a good heart, Lisbeth. You gonna be all right

She was disoriented without the anchor in her life.

She thought her heart was already as full as it could get, but she was wrong. There was more to feel.

Edge of Eternity (The Century Trilogy, Book 3) by Ken Follett

They’re not all narrow-minded. Some are working hard to change things. Give us time. The revolution was forty years ago. How much time do you need before you finally admit that Communism is a failure?

International politics is like a glass. Aggressive moves by either side pour water in. The overflow is war.

Sometimes the Soviet Union was more like a medieval monastery where everyone had taken vows of poverty and obedience.

I’ve heard that restaurants in the United States open when people want food and drinks, not when the staff want to work,” said Natalya. “Do you think it’s true?” “Probably just propaganda,” said Dimka.

Sex with the one you love is the second-best thing in the world,” Maud had said to Walli. Somehow a grandmother could say things that a mother could not. “If that’s second best, what’s first?” he had asked. “Seeing your children happy.”

Four years after leaving the Soviet bloc he still marveled at the abundance of food in America: big steaks, juicy hamburgers, piles of French fries, mountainous crisp salads, thick milk shakes, all for next to nothing, and coffee with free refills!

Gorbachev has taken the lid off a boiling pot,” he said, slowly and distinctly. Then he added: “The steam may be painful, but change is irreversible.”

The most striking characteristic of Soviet leadership for the last sixty-five years was the refusal to face facts.

Destiny of Souls: New Case Studies of Life Between Lives by Michael Newton

And so it is a soul’s destiny to search for truth in their experiences in order to gain wisdom.

[…] life is anything but meaningless. We know if we hold a rock in our hand it is as real to us as an observer-participant in a physical world. We must also keep in mind that a divine intelligence placed us in this environment to learn and grow for a greater good. None of us are here by accident and neither are those events which affect us in our own reality at this moment in time

People in deep hypnosis explain that musical thought is the language of souls.

Karma is more than taking proper actions toward others, it is also having the intention to do so.

Searching for who you really are is getting in touch with your inner Self and bringing passion and meaning into what you do in life.

Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty

She’d never believed in God, except when she heard children singing.

All conflict can be traced back to someone’s feelings getting hurt, don’t you think? Divorce. World wars. Legal action.

She’s impossible to hate. I’m very good at hating people, and even I find it difficult. I really have to put my heart and soul into it.

It’s like their religion. They’re fundamentalist mothers.

It was all so beautiful she felt like she could taste it

Every day I think, ‘Gosh, you look a bit tired today,’ and it’s just recently occurred to me that it’s not that I’m tired, it’s that this is the way I look now.

Oh, Lord, I don’t want the recipe, I just want the muffins.

If she packaged the perfect Facebook life, maybe she would start to believe it herself. She could shrink her fears down into innocuous little status updates that drifted away on the news feeds of her friends.

She lived in a house where every single room silently screamed: WE HAVE A LOT OF MONEY. PROBABLY MORE THAN YOU.

Her husband had always been so fair, except for those times when he was monstrously unfair.