(one of Elizabeth Gilbert's favorite quotes)
Do you know what an "Ask-hole" is? It's someone
who constantly asks for advice but does not do anything with it. But that’s not exactly what this post is
about. Or maybe it is just a little bit.
As a coach and someone who is curious about
people's behavior, I often hear themes and thorny issues that my
clients, friends and colleagues grapple with. Everyone is unique, of course,
and yet we all tend to be dealing with certain things which seem universal. For
instance - over-thinking.
In the Western cultures and, certainly corporate
culture, a huge value is placed on thinking. There is "thought
leadership" and "thought partnership", there is "thinking fast and
slow" (from the book Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman), there is
"thinking without thinking" (from the book Blink: The Power of
Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell), there is the famous “I think therefore I am” (philosophical
proposition by René Descartes), and there the thinking inside and outside the
box from every corporate “strategic” PowerPoint presentation, and so on. Please
don't get me wrong, I love thinking. In fact, I am pretty good at it, if I may say
so myself. However, everything has a benefit and a cost. In my coaching discussions,
sometime I find that people are simply hiding behind thinking. Pure, good old thinking
turns into Over-thinking and then simply becomes procrastination. I am finding
that the cost of thinking or prolonged thinking is lack of action and
doing. Basically - over-thinking =
under-doing.
I often wonder, why are we overthinking?
Psychology tells us that when we are compelled to some action (lack of action), it's because there is some inherent benefit to it. I have
identified at least two possible reasons / benefits which make overthinking so
compelling:
1) It's easier to just
"mull things over" and over rather than taking action. It does not
seem as overwhelming.
2) There is a mock safety
in inaction. Pretend thinking simply covers up a fear. When we take action, we
can look foolish, we could be wrong, we could be laughed at and all kinds of
other upleasantries. It's risky!
And what’s the cost? The price we pay for
overthinking and under-doing is feeling of frustration and stagnation. And if we
are wise enough, a realization that the richest life moments happen and not
just thought about.
So what to do? You guessed it – I am a proposing a step by
step process. An antidote to overthinking and under-doing.
Step 1:
Articulate the issue that you have been thinking
about for the past two days, one week, a decade or any amount of time that's
significant for you. Example: "Going to medical school was a mistake. I should
have never become a doctor. I wish I could change things but it seems too late.”
Step 2
Spend exactly 60 seconds feeling sorry for
yourself. 1, 2, 3.... Poof - 60 seconds are
over!
Step 3
Ask yourself: what am going to do about it?
Option 1 - do nothing.
Great - acknowledge that you are consciously
making that decision and learn to
live with it minus the pity. There is liberty and beauty which come from telling ourselves the truth. It's ok to not want
to do anything about any number of issues in our lives. However, make that
decision with open eyes and deliberately, that's a very adult thing to do - it's called
taking responsibility.
Option 2 - do nothing but continue to mull it
over while asking for advice.
BUT acknowledge to yourself that you are just
doing it for yourself, because you like the attention you are getting from
others when you are “thinking out loud.” And that's ok too.
Option 3 - do something.
Great. Break it down into manageable components
and get to work. Hire a coach.
Stick with the plan of action. Get your hands
really dirty. Check in with yourself periodically - do I still want this
(whatever it may be) badly enough? If the answer is yes - continue on your course.
If the answer is no, correct the course of action.
Bottom line - don't hide behind anything, including
over-thinking. Just don't do it. You are wasting your time which could be used
living your best life.
If all else fails, watch Daniel Pink’s fabulous
and inspiring address to the Northwestern University graduates where he makes the case
for more doing and less thinking.
And yes,
in case you are wondering, there is such a thing as overdoing and under-thinking,
which will also land you in hot water. But that’s for another post.
